Las Vegas Review-Journal - VegasLand

Here at the ass-end of 2009, I bid adieu to this annus horribilis with a look back at my Favorite Interviews of 2009, some hot photos of Holly Madison (obviously), some New Year's Eve toasts, my favorite show, restaurant and massage place in Vegas, and my ode to Adam Carolla.

MY FAVORITE INTERVIEWS OF 2009

20. David Spade. Comedians are the best celebrities to interview, period. They're smart, funny, and they will answer any question whatsoever: "The girl (Grace) lives in Missouri with the baby, and I just see the baby here and there. Twice. And I'm gonna go again in April," he says. "I will (see the child) more as it gets older."

19. Mark McGrath. He'll talk about anything -- his little penis, his TV experience, anything: "I was the worst interviewer ever. Jennifer Aniston would walk by, and I wouldn't even ask about Brad (Pitt)."

18. Vince Neil. Funny. He collects cars, watches and other things. I said, "What else do you collect." He didn't miss a beat: "Checks."

17. Carmen Electra. Nicer than you can imagine, and relaxed: "I had a couple of years of being homeless in Hollywood."

16. Kate Pierson of the B-52s. Smart, fun: "People threw bricks at us" in the early days.

15. George Clinton. Insane man: "We took all the acid in the world. ... I used to wear a sheet with Wile E. Coyote on it, and nothing on underneath."

14. Bob Mackey. Very sweet: "They can look as bad as possible, or as hoochie mama as possible. I just look and go, 'Oh my god, look at that!' Things are hanging out, and bulging out."

13. Jay Leno. Nice guy: "Most of the jokes are about extortion. (Another) night, I said: A producer from 'Dateline NBC' tried to blackmail me, but luckily nobody watches NBC."

12. Andre Agassi. "Open": "My mom struggles reading it, because she didn’t know so much of what I was feeling. These moments, you internalize as a child, you don’t know where to put it, so you just turn it inward."

11. Floyd Mayweather. Will say anything. On Vegas strip clubs: "I think the best one, of course, is the Spearmint Rhino. But then you've got Sapphire. And the list goes on and on. But the (defunct) Crazy Horse II -- you can never forget about that. That was the best one."

10. Chris Isaak. He has stories to tell. I could barely scratch the surface in a quick interview: "I got in the backseat of a limo with Christine McVie. We drove all over Paris. And she'd roll down the window and say, 'That's the such-and-such cathedral.' And she just showed me all the sights."

9. Craig Ferguson. Always funny and nice: "A toddler around the house is just like having a very small drunk. They're crazy. They have mood swings. They do dangerous stuff. They'll pour stuff on their heads. They're my kind of people."

8. Scott Weiland. I'm a fan, and he's genuine in interviews: "The hair used to stand up on the back of your neck," Weiland tells me, "and my mom would hold my hand, and I would always see tears go down her face when she'd sing."

7. Juaquin Phoenix. Eccentrically entertaining: "As Jesus said: They say this and that; you don't listen to them. ... I have to be true to myself."

6. Sheena Easton. Very nice. "Another false story written about her ... 'But then what happens is the bastard dumps me! So not only had I never met this man, but after closing down eateries and gettin' engaged, I got publicly dumped by him, because he went back to his old girlfriend,' she says and laughs for about five seconds."

5. Joe Rogan. Funny, smart, high: "Violence is no different than sex; that's no difference than the desire to eat. It's a part of what makes us who we are -- 96 percent of our genetics come from chimpanzees, and chimpanzees are super violent."

4. Bill Maher. Funny, smart: "This, to me, looks like a cynical attempt by the Republicans to convince America they're not the homosexuals we all thought they were -- after the Larry Craig and Mark Foley and Rev. Ted Haggard standards."

3. Porn star Penny Flame. She offered me a (I can't tell you what she offered me) on the red carpet at the porn awards. Very nice of her: "I’ve ----- off a lot of -----s."

2. UFC star Forrest Griffin. He's nuts! And funny: "I started out as a nursing major. I had calculus and chemistry the same semester, and that's when I discovered my passion for political justice. I was like, 'Oh, political science! That's a lot better than chemistry, because chemistry is (expletive) hard.'"

1. Norm MacDonald. The best: "You know you're in trouble when the pit boss starts feeling bad for you. The guy that's making money goes, 'Maybe you should go to bed.' Meanwhile, he's profiting from your crazy actions. You become human beings -- that's how far you've sunk."

TOASTS

The other day I ran some Irish toasts for New Year’s Eve, then some readers sent me a few more:

• “If the road rises to meet ya, you’ve probably had one too many.” (Thanks to Kevin Kearney of Sin City Comedy.)

• “May your health be healthy, may your wealth be wealthy, and may your love be true … to you.” (Thanks to Michael Rome from the Lance Burton show.)

FAVORITE NEW MEDIA CREATION

I don't know what I would do without listening to Adam Carolla every day. If you don't know who he is, he's the funny one from "Loveline" and "The Man Show." After he lost his gig on FM radio, he started putting out a podcast for free -- free for us, though it costs him tens of thousands a year to produce.

On the podcast, he interviews quite good guests (comedian Jim Jeffries was my favorite), but it's mostly about Adam going off on pop culture, daily life in America, and generally any hilarious or absurd analogy that pops into his head. Bonus: He talks about Vegas fairly regularly, since he lives in L.A.

I'm not alone in my fandom. His podcast was No. 1 for the year on iTunes. And he just started offering a spin-off sports podcast starring John Salley (one of Adam's best regular guests) and Kevin Hench (another Adam staple).

You can download the podcast through iTunes (that's how I do it, then put it on my Blackberry). Or listen online at adamcarolla.com.

BEST LOCAL CELEBRITY

Holly Madison is by far doing more marketing and promotional appearances for her show, "Peepshow," and Vegas than any local celebrity I've seen in the 2000s. At first, I thought she might overexpose herself, so to speak. But as I wrote some months ago, she is like a hot version of Oscar Goodman, with obvious differences. That is, she is a happy representative for this city. I've never heard one person say one bad thing about her behind her back. She is that nice (and yet relaxed) to everyone. I told her publicist I'd like to do a story where I stay at her house for three days and chronicle her life. Holly has yet to take me up on this. I can't imagine why not. Maybe because I post as many naked-ish photos of her as possible (though none too risque for this blog here, as you can see.)

Gnome photo courtesy Denise Truscello/Wire Image.

PETA ad courtesy of PETA

FAVORITE SHOW, RESTAURANT AND MASSAGE PLACE

I already wrote about this in the Christmas edition of the RJ, but if you missed it, click here. Answers: "Ka," Raku and Pure Foot & Spa (I went there just last night; amazing).

FAVORITE VIDEO GAMES OF 2009

I also wrote about this in the RJ here, but if you want the list without clicking:

10. "Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars" by Rockstar for Nintendo DS; rated "M" -- In this fun if morally bankrupt "GTA" experience, you kill people, hijack cars, deal drugs ... same old, same old, but executed nicely.

9. "Brutal Legend" by EA for Xbox 360 and PS 3; rated "M" -- You play as a roadie (voiced excellently by Jack Black) who slips into a fantasy land where you drive hot rods across vast fields, and kill baddies with an ax and a guitar, accompanied by Ozzy Osbourne, Lita Ford and other metal heroes. Crazy!

8. "Wet" by Bethesda for Xbox 360 and PS 3; rated "M" -- It looks and plays like a Tarantino film (sword play and gritty cinematography) mixed with Lara Croft (jumping and pole-swinging).

7. "The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena" by Atari for Xbox 360 and PS 3; rated "M" -- Vin Diesel is back in this first person, stealthy action-adventure. Half of it is an upgrade of 2004's "Escape from Butcher Bay." The rest is all new spaceship action; shimmying ledges and ladders, and shooting idiots.

6. "Scribblenauts" by Warner Home Video Games for DS; rated "E 10+" -- This was maybe the most groundbreaking game of 2009. You write words like "god" and "TNT," and god and TNT appear on screen. Tens of thousands of words are in the database. Write words, those objects appear, then interact. Amazing.

5. "Tiger Woods PGA Tour '10" by EA for Wii, Xbox 360, PS 3, PSP, PS 2; rated "E" -- Insanely addicting golfing.

4. "The Saboteur" by EA for Xbox 360, PS 3 and PC; rated "M" -- The best "GTA" rip-off of 2009 is a fantasy set in Nazi-controlled Paris. You get great guns and blow up zeppelins with rocket launchers.

3. "Afro Samurai" by Namco Bandai's Surge for Xbox 360 and PS 3; rated "M" -- The sword fighting is above-average. But the astonishing look, feel and sound are beautiful art forms, narrated with attitude by Samuel L. Jackson, set in a silky mood of American anime.

2. "Uncharted 2: Among Thieves" by Sony for PS 3; rated "T" -- Play as an Indiana Jones-type in this beautiful shooting-and-climbing game, featuring a satisfying story line featuring quirky twists, tongue-in-cheek cinema scenes, and clever dialogue delivered by perfectly cast actors.

1. "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2" by Activision for Xbox 360 and PS 3; rated "M" -- The solo mission is quite good, but the online shooting is the most addictive and realistic in years (fantastic "balance" in 14 modes and 16 maps). The new cooperative mode called "overview" is groundbreaking.

FAVORITE YOUTUBE CLIP OF 2009

Celebrity has gotten depressingly more focused on rich kids who have accomplished nothing, who do nothing but party, and who have no discernible skills.

Now, look at this unfamous 12-year-old, whose virtuosity I discovered totally by chance while looking for a classical song on YouTube. The world may be a mess, and celebrity culture may be devolved. But there are still talents all over, like this girl, who care about art and the great crafts of process, detail and emotionality.

MISSING PHOTO

I meant to blog this photo of me months ago after I toured backstage at "Zumanity." But I forgot. So here you go. Sexy!