Danette wrote on January 18, 2008 01:44 PM: I am a woman who was falsely accused by a niece. I am a teacher in my community, and work with police officers, one of whom was a detective on the investigating team. I had a large white van labeled "Crime Scene Investigation Unit" parked outside my home for 2 hours after work one day. I was approached after work and asked to come to my home while a search warrant was executed. 72 video tapes were seized for viewing (they mostly contained old episodes of Masterpiece Theater I had compulsively taped for a while- that and NYPD Blue) Every book in my house was opened and sorted for photos, film was developed I didn't even remember I had, the crawlspace of my home was searched, my garage was searched. I could only prove innocence through circumstantial evidence. My neice had very specific stories with very explicit details. I don't know WHO abused her, but it is likely someone did, given some of the things she alleged. My relationship with my brother has barely survived this catastrophe. Only our father's funeral allowed us to start a dialogue. We are now 6 years down the road. She has never recanted, though she has wondered if it did really happen... She seems to have some sort of emotional developmental problems, but I've never been exonerated. I can never be cleared. I have never received an apology, or even a tacit admittance that they may have been wrong. It is only because I would want any child who WAS abused to have these services that I am able to forgive the hurt and mistrust this situation has engendered. False accusations hurt no matter who you are.

DJ2 wrote on November 27, 2007 05:54 PM: Best of luck to you and your daughter, Jesse. Sounds like you're fighting an up-hill battle. May the truth win out.

Jesse wrote on November 15, 2007 08:12 PM: My daughter is three and acused my EX wifes live in lover of sexual abuse. We have actual physical evidence but DCS and others are taking her mother's side. Though I did not even call DCS (my daughter told her baby sitter and she called DCS) they are blaming it all on me saying I'm doing it for revenge. The system does not work, and they automatically take the mother's side. Until the system excepts father's as parents, I cannot see how they can say they are making fair judgements. It's a sad day when homosexuals have more rights than actual fathers! Grandmothers have more rights also! The field should be leveled. I am a great father and I deserve to have rights and to protect and make decisions about my own child. Fathers can bond with their children just like a mother can, and this "I carried that baby for nine months" stuff is a bunch of crap. I was acused of being controlling and over protective because during the custody evaluation, my daughter wanted to sit in my lap while the doctor watched us play. She even said she wanted to observe us interacting together! This is stupid! Just plain stupid. I'm being made out to be some kind of monster by a person that does not know me, that believes everything my ex says and won't listen to me. All because I'm "the father".
Where are my rights!!!!! By the way, she happens to be a female too. One that is divorced herself. She only hears and sees what she wants. Beware fathers, the system is against you and you will put in the hands of people that either just don't care,or want revenge against fathers!

R wrote on October 28, 2007 01:20 AM: Thing you like to be the victim by accusing others.

R

Debbie wrote on October 27, 2007 05:10 PM: The power of words (or even the lack, thereof) never fails to amaze me. Among other things, they can be destructive and painful, or they can be sympathetic and healing. It's never okay for anyone to get away with hurting someone else deliberately, whether it happens via words or actions.

All parties are harmed when false accusations occur, and one can only hope that the accuser eventually realizes the pain his or her words caused. That said, we still have to listen to every accusation, because some of them are accurate. Will there ever be a way to tell who the real is victim in every case? Probably not. These days, it's an unfortunate reality of life and we have to simply try to deal with it one day at a time, not to mention the whole horror of trying to change human nature for the better in the process.

It took a lot of courage to write this column, Steven. Major kudos!

For those of us who know without a shadow of a doubt the excellence of your character (having human flaws certainly, but definitely innocent of this mess) consider yourself exonerated. It certainly isn't the same as records in your file, but what you know in your heart and soul, and what your friends truly know about you, is far more important that a stupid piece of paper!

DJ2 wrote on October 27, 2007 09:11 AM: So, how does the fact that untold numbers of women and children have and are suffering at the hands of male abusers make it OK to publicly castigate an innocent man? And if the pain and suffering of women and children are the only pain worth acknowledging, what about the pain suffered by all the innocent women and children around the falsely accused man as they try to sift through all that manure?

Let's not forget that there are also many vicious abusers among the ranks of women, perhaps not sexually (although there are getting more of those) but there are few men who can outdo a woman whem it comes to psychological warfare...and I say that as a woman.

And, what about those women who refuse to see that their current significant other is having his way with her kids? Or those weak and complicit women who stand by and let their children be beaten by their temporary bedpartner? And, there are more women than we would like to admit who physically abuse their kids to the point of injury and even death, not to mention those women who neglect their kids while they're drugging out.

So, there are plenty of pain and abuse to go around among both sexes and there are plenty of innnocent victims of both sexes. Taking some sort of satisfaction in the pain of another innocent person is never justified, no matter which group of individuals we happen to resent that he/she belongs to.

If wrote on October 27, 2007 01:53 AM: For one man falsely accused, there are hundreds of women and children suffering from sexual harrasment.
I have no doubts that the second is the real nightmare, not the first.

DJ2 wrote on October 24, 2007 05:20 PM: Being falsely accused of sexual molestation or harassment is one of the worst nightmares an innocent man can experience. Usually in this case the burden of proof falls on the accused and since molesters are among some of the most skilled at fooling trusting individuals, the guiltys' protestations of innocence are similar to or even more convincing than the denials of the truly innocent man.

I know of three men who were falsely accused and each one was deeply traumatized by the experience. After all, how does he, a big, strong, "bully" of a man defend himself against the phony tears of a woman or child? No matter what he does, he's still seen as a heartless brute. Talk about no honorable way out.

Those sadistic manipulators who are proven to have falsely accused men of molestation, rape, harassment, fatherhood, etc. should have to suffer severe penalties commensurate with the extreme amount of harm they have inflicted on innocent individuals and their families.