"American Pie." "Her fake boobs popped out at a red carpet" a few years ago. And "idiot" and "whore."

Reminder alert: Reid co-starred in "Pie" nine years ago, but she is not a whore.

The bottom line is bottom feeding. Vegas clubs pay celebs from the "A," "B," "C" and "D" lists to bring glam to their doors, as Pure did Friday with Kevin Federline, who is famous solely for bedding, wedding and shedding Britney Spears.

This gives nightclubs cachet in the media. Sites such as RawVegas.tv and PerezHilton.com covered Studio 54 over the weekend only because a celebrity showed up, even if it was a double-D-lister. This theoretically attracts clubbers with buzz factor.

But are clubbers suckers for any celebrity? Not necessarily. I couldn't find anyone in line at 54 to admit they would have been excited even if Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan had shown up.

Two Amys arrived together from Los Angeles -- Amy Ford, 28, and Amy Delude, 21 -- and their ho-hum take on the scene was typical. They're the clubbers who deemed Reid to be an "idiot" and a "whore" in my word association quiz.

"We're from L.A. We can go to any club in Hollywood and see celebrities out," Ford said. "We have run-ins with them in the bathrooms, so it's no big deal, especially Tara Reid. I mean, come on. It would probably be a big deal for someone, I'm sure, like, from the Midwest."

Is there anyone Ford would like to have seen on the red carpet? Yes. One person.

"Oprah. I love Oprah," Ford said. "She's smart. She's powerful. She's into women. She's no Tara Reid."

Speaking of the Midwest, a gaggle of guys from Chicago knew Reid was on the bill because they were inundated with in-house ads while staying at the MGM. But they scoffed at playing into the hands of Reid and her kind.

"Paris Hilton, Britney Spears -- they're on red carpets all the time. Honestly, I don't want to see them anymore," Jordan Thompson said at the club for his bachelor party. "But at the same time, I'm a fat guy standing in line waiting for her."

Down the line, two Sigma Kappa sorority sisters from the University of California, Riverside were critical of the whole Paris/Lindsay/Tara/red carpet narrative.

"It's just too much," explained Tracy Lee, a political science major in a short black dress.

Lee and her friend, Venessa Corona ("like the beer," naturally), came to 54 because a worker in the MGM was handing out free passes in the "mall" area of the hotel, and they wanted to "dance our asses off," Lee said.

So while Reid is "beautiful," Lee and Corona were not on a quest for Reid, partly because they can't take her career seriously. Lee declared in Hollywood-speak, "She's not very episodic."

Reid was, however, prompt. At midnight, right on time, Tara "Not Oprah" Reid arrived at her one-woman red carpet in a cramped corner outside the 54 entrance.

Silver rings shined on each index toe cramped into strappy heels. Her short black dress shimmered under casino lights. She smiled sweetly. She pivoted. A scent of alcohol lingered. Unlike certain politicians, she answered any questions, but very briefly in her famously raspy shard.

Me: Why haven't you visited Vegas in more than a year?

Reid: "I have other places to go."

Me: Studio 54 calls this event, "Tara Reid hosts Studio 54." What does that mean? What is it you are "hosting"?

Reid: "Fun."

At this point, her handler reminded Reid that Sunday was Easter, so Reid said, "The Easter bunny's coming. We're having an Easter egg hunt inside!"

Reid was done with me in one minute, then headed to the VIP section, where she generously stood for grip-and-grin photos with camera-wielding tourists.

After she had walked the carpet, I finally found someone who was excited about Reid: a vacationing Spring Break couple from the Northeast: Lianne Houde, 22, of New Hampshire and Jared Carleton, 23, of Rhode Island.

"I just want to see a celebrity. It was exciting. She looks good," Houde said.

Wait, what was more exciting? Tara or the paparazzi?

"The paparazzi," Houde said without pause.

Carleton would have preferred Denzel Washington ("He's the man!") or Adam Sandler. But Reid put a smile on his face because he has seen athletes in person, but he'd never seen a celebrity before, certainly not of Reid's "caliber."

What is Reid's "caliber?" Someone on the red carpet proclaimed her a "hot mess." By extension, so was Studio 54.

Doug Elfman's column appears on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 383-0391 or e-mail him at delfman@reviewjournal.com. He also blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.