Let's be honest, shall we? "Fantasy" is an hour-plus of hot, topless women dancing around to music video-ish choreography. It's naked, naked, pivot, naked. The only discombobulating thing is the choreography moves too fast.

My theory: Sexy is always sexier at half-speed. There's a similar corollary for horror movies: Movie zombies and monsters are scarier at half-speed, such as Michael Myers in "Halloween." If you want to be sexy and/or scary, chill, lady, chill.

You can see the Doug Elfman Half-Speed Sexy Rule in effect during sexier parts of "MGM Grand's Crazy Horse Paris" and New York-New York's "Zumanity." Depending on your proclivities, you can't go wrong with any of these shows, but here are your bottom lines:

"Zumanity" is the surreal, athletic, naked-y blow-out with interactive scenes for open-minded eyes. "Crazy Horse Paris" stages boutique, classic-Euro art movements, in the super-duper nude. "Fantasy" is naked girls dancing American-style, boing, boing. There you have it.

CLASS VERSUS CRASS

Look for more details in today's Neon section on these concerts, but in a nutshell:

• 100 percent class/zero percent crass: Tony Bennett sings today and Saturday at the Hilton ($91.91-$124.91). The guy is 82, and he's still got one of the biggest pop voices. Incredible.

• 100 percent class/zero percent crass: Seal on Saturday at Green Valley Ranch ($42-$83.50). You can't say much bad about the guy who sang "Kiss From a Rose," unless you hate "Kiss From a Rose."

• 75 percent class/25 percent crass: Lindsey Buckingham on Saturday at the Hard Rock ($33-48.50). You might think he's 100 percent class. But those 1970s years playing guitar and writing songs in Fleetwood Mac did result in serious drama.

• 70 percent class/30 percent crass: Janet Jackson today at Mandalay Bay ($55.75-$150.75). Her show is reported to be 21/2 hours. Whoa. Long show.

• 50 percent class/50 percent crass: Common, NERD on Sunday at House of Blues. Here's your best bet pop concert, if you like high-quality hip-hop.

• Zero percent class/100 percent crass: Kid Rock on Saturday at the Palms ($100-$200). His "All Summer Long" hit is the worst thing ever. But Kid Rock usually rocks a stage with Mick Jagger-like swagger. That's high praise, indeed.

Doug Elfman's column appears Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 702-383-0391 or at delfman@reviewjournal.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.