Surviving families lack support to handle grief after fatal shootings

To better understand what loved ones experience in the wake of a police shooting, the Review-Journal interviewed several families of those killed in the Las Vegas Valley since 1990.

Some of the incidents were controversial. Others weren't.

Some survivors fault police. Others believe the police had no choice.

Many spoke of a stigma, a widespread belief that anyone killed by police was a bad person who deserved it.

Some carry the added trauma of having themselves started the deadly chain of events by calling police for help.

All struggle with grief long after the events fade from the headlines.

At the inquest into the death of John Hampton Haines, Las Vegas police officer Jeremy Landers explained why six cops fired 21 rounds at the troubled man: He had one gun in his hand and another to his head as he walked toward his family's home.

 "If Mr. Haines got into that residence, there is no doubt in my mind that he would have taken the life of his wife, possibly his child, and himself," Landers said. "In my heart, I know that's what would have happened if we hadn't reacted the way we did."

Another officer, Christopher Sjoblom, said he had gone over the events of that February night in 2009 "hundreds if not thousands of times" in his own mind before concluding he and other officers had no choice but to use deadly force.

Haines, 30, suffered bipolar disorder and was under the influence of alcohol and prescription methadone when he died. Police arrived at the house at 7712 Golden Talon Ave. that night in response to a domestic disturbance call from his wife, who became concerned when he refused to put his guns down.

For Sarah Haines, who remembers details right down to the type of weapon each officer fired, the circumstances of her husband's death are far less clear-cut. He was behaving erratically, but she didn't consider him a danger to himself or anyone else. As a police helicopter flew low overhead, he repeatedly screamed her name, she believes, because he was confused and simply wanted to see her.

"He wasn't a violent person," she said in an interview. "He just wanted them to leave him alone."

Coping with the death of her husband was hard enough, but the version of events described in news stories and at inquest compounded her pain: Police killed her husband to protect her and her son. Truth is, no one knows what might have happened if Haines had reached his house that night.

The Clark County coroner's inquest jury unanimously ruled the shooting justified, and the officers returned to work. If troubled by the incident, they could seek counseling at department expense.

For Sarah Haines there was nowhere to turn. In the context of a justified police shooting, neither she nor her late husband are crime victims. There are no support groups for families with this kind of grief.

Regardless of what was said after his death, nobody can tell Sarah Haines her husband wasn't a good man. He lived many more nights than his last.

The obituary she wrote summed up how she will remember him: "John was a loving husband to Sarah and father to Logan. ... He could have the worst day. Logan (would) run up and say 'Dada' and a smile would appear. He loved that boy more than words can express."

'I JUST WANT TO DIE'

If the memory of her 15-year-old son Tanner holding a knife near her throat isn't traumatic enough, Evie Oquendo will always live with the sight of Las Vegas police officer Derek Colling shooting him in the head.

Tanner Chamberlain was the youngest subject of a fatal police shooting in the Las Vegas Valley since 1990.

Oquendo told police after the incident that her son suffered bipolar disorder and experienced extreme mood swings. He hadn't taken his medication that day in September 2009.

At the inquest, Colling explained his decision to shoot Chamberlain.

"I did what had to be done," he said. "He placed me — he placed all of us — in that situation."

Oquendo was too distraught to attend the inquest. Other families go, seeking some kind of closure.

She couldn't function for months after the incident. Even simple tasks became difficult, and she was hospitalized, being fed through a tube. She summoned the resolve to live, but that doesn't mean her life will ever be the same.

"I'm not going to commit suicide, but I just want to die," Oquendo said. "That's all I look forward to, is being with my son."

Oquendo, who earlier this year filed a federal wrongful death lawsuit against Las Vegas police, tries to fill the void in her life by continuing to buy her son Christmas gifts and his favorite foods.

She also has become involved in community activism, especially on police-related issues. She attended the coroner's inquests into the 2010 shootings of Trevon Cole and Erik Scott, and she has researched police methods for dealing with mentally ill people.

'IT WASN'T NECESSARY'

Nearly five years after she saw her husband shot and killed by Las Vegas police, Nacina Ariza still can't sleep.

"You don't get over something like this," she said. "You think the pain will go away, but it doesn't. You go crazy in the head."

On New Year's Day 2007, Ivan Guajardo Ariza, 37, was holding a butcher knife at his apartment complex on North Rainbow Boulevard when officers arrived in response to Nacina's 911 call. Police later said her husband made an aggressive motion toward them with the knife, prompting four officers to shoot.

The full extent of her grief hadn't set in when Nacina Ariza appeared at the inquest. She testified that she felt police had acted appropriately.

The inquest jury was less sure.

Ivan Ariza's death was unanimously ruled excusable, a finding more often used when a cop unintentionally kills and a sign the jurors questioned if deadly force was justified.

As the months and years passed, Nacina Ariza changed her opinion of the incident: "It wasn't necessary. I know (police) have to shoot people sometimes, but this time it was a mistake."

'HOW COULD WE BLAME THEM?'

Not all families react with anger when police kill a loved one.

Kathy and Larry Gaddis mourned when their son, Jeffrey, was killed by Las Vegas police in January 2005, but they felt officers had little choice.

Jeffrey Gaddis, once an honors student at Chaparral High School, was addicted to painkillers. He told his parents he wanted to die, and that if he couldn't kill himself he would make police do it for him.

On the night he died, the 28-year-old was caught stealing from a drugstore. After a car chase, he pulled a gun and was shot eight times.

At the inquest where his death was ruled justified, Kathy Gaddis spoke to the three officers, David Brian Dilullo, David Garris, and Sean Malia, who shot her son. They had tears in their eyes, she said. The mother hugged them.

"Knowing what (Jeffrey) said to us, how could we blame them?" Kathy Gaddis said. "They're owed an apology, because he put them in that position, and it's terrible to do that to them."

In the place of anger, there is only sorrow. The Gaddis family maintains an online guestbook they use to communicate with Jeffrey. Earlier this year, his father wrote, "it has been 6 years & it hasn't really gotten any easier. I so hope you are with everyone we have lost in recent years. We love & miss you so much."

Review-Journal reporter Lawrence Mower contributed to this report. Alan Maimon is a Review-Journal special correspondent.

Trending topics:

• Alan Maimon
• Deadly Force
• survivors
• counseling
• Evie Oquendo
• Tanner Chamberlain
• Derek Colling
• John Hampton Haines
• Sarah Haines
• Ivan Guajardo Ariza
• Nacina Ariza
• Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department

Comments

Note: Comments made by reporters and editors of the Las Vegas Review-Journal are presented with a yellow background.

1. 266.h Dec. 3, 2011 | 8:07 a.m. Report Abuse

   That is their responsibility to get over it. If you would have raised a better child instead of a piece of poop that can follow the law and tried to hurt somebody you wouldn't be in this mess huh. You don't deserve to be a parent and if you have other children I hope they take them away before they do the same and cause some poor officer to loose sleep for killing them too...then again I hope that they don't loose any sleep for doing society a favor. Bang bang and bye bye. Now sorry feeling and help for bad parents. losers

2. Voice of Reason Dec. 2, 2011 | 7:05 a.m. Report Abuse

   @SummerlinCC - you think Metro officers easily dismiss the lives of those persons had to kill. How would you know, other than the couple of articles in this series I can't recall any other articles that address that subject. So tell me, how do you know they easily dissmiss those lives?

3. bghs1986 Dec. 2, 2011 | 1:04 a.m. Report Abuse

   @VORBut "You, in your own mind, are the exclusive authority on all thing involving the NEWSPAPER business." Interesting that you feel free to tell the news paper what stories they should run while you continue to launch unsupported allegations of deception against its staff. The fact is (I realize you have a dubious relationship with the truth) there are FAR MORE stories over the past twenty years about the injured officers, good officers and the great work Metro does. This year alone the RJ has run a positive series in the Metro Academy, a fantastic story on the retirement of one the best officer ever to wear a Metro Uniform and the heroic return to work of injured officer . Even this series left out some of worst things Metro has done in many of these shootings. Now I could say those were LIES to protect the police, but I'm don't suffer for the same poor me, I'm an entitled liberal victim BS you do. And if you can't see the inherent lie in this statement, "And just so you know, I've not been keeping score, but if I were, clearly without a doubt the number of stories about the victims has far outpaced the number of stories about the officers involved." You can't know anything WITHOUT A DOUBT if you have "NOT BEEN KEEPING SCORE." If you don't see how you can't show you allegiance to the church of metro without spreading yer another lie, then you are beyond redemption.

4. victim_of_metro Dec. 2, 2011 | 12:49 a.m. Report Abuse

   @ batman.superman what do you want? a cookie? It your job. Lots of jobs are dangerous.

5. RealityKingpin Dec. 1, 2011 | 8:19 p.m. Report Abuse

   The fact is metro has been very lucky with officer deaths. Many many more officers have been shot here over the last 20 years than most people think...but unless the officer dies it gets very little press. Officers shot in the face, chest, neck, head, back, legs hands, arms you name it. From losing an eye, to use of a hand, leg, facial disfiguration. years long extensive rehabilitation therapy, on and on and on. I dont think it should be over looked. But the fact is they have been luck and received some excellent medical care. But for the grace of god have they gone. I should think a series on the injured officers, their rehab stories, and their loss of quality of life would make for a good series. You see the officers dont choose to put themselves inthese situation...the crooks do. The crooks have all the relevant choices. Yes the dept strives to do better, but at the end of the day the crook holds the cards. And we should never forget that.

6. RealityKingpin Dec. 1, 2011 | 8:14 p.m. Report Abuse

   Ya. Oquendo is a drug addict. I love how they wrote that " he held the knife near her neck"...uhhh no. Chamberlain held her in a choke hold, with the knife held to her throat, while he was swinging her around. Officers pleaded for him to let her go but he did not. I hate to be the bearer of fact, but this is a textbook hostage situation and something officers are trained for. They did exactly what they had to do. Sad, but true. Mom has some accountability, after all she did raise this child. And her previous calls to 9911 on him showed she WAS in fact scared of him. Disgusting that she sees herself as some soret of advocate against police. Whom SHE called that day. Had Chamberlain just put the knife down they would have gotten him the mental health care he needed......you know how I know this...because they do it probably 20 times a day in this city everyday. Its called a legal 2000. But he created the situation and for some reason we the public still have to hear about it as thought the COPS did ANY thing wrong at all. Thats shameless on these 3 sorry excuses for reporters.

7. SummerlinCC Dec. 1, 2011 | 8:09 p.m. Report Abuse

   @Voice of Reason: As I recall, the LVRJ provided a good deal of coverage of Prendes' shooting and his funeral, so I don't think it's really a valid criticism. On top of that, the LVRJ treated the death of Officer Manor very respectfully even though he nearly killed an innocent motorist by driving recklessly and Metro officers trumped up felony charges against the motorist, Calvin Darling, who had tried to save Manor. As it turned out, the real hero in the incident was Calvin Darling and yet he needed to hire his own private investigator and an attorney to prove his innocence. Just be glad that the community doesn't dismiss the lives of Metro officers who cause their own death as easily as some Metro officers dismiss the lives of the people whom they kill.

8. Voice of Reason Dec. 1, 2011 | 7:16 p.m. Report Abuse

   @bghs1986 - I read those stories, but there are many more stories of officers and how their lives have been impacted. What about stories about officer where were shot in the line of duty and how their live have been changed. But I guess you don't care about them, do you? And just so you know, I've not been keeping score, but if I were, clearly without a doubt the number of stories about the victims has far outpaced the number of stories about the officers involved.

9. RealityKingpin Dec. 1, 2011 | 7:12 p.m. Report Abuse

   Oquendo is a drug addict. Her son was very violent that day. He did not hold a neck NEAR her thoat...he put her in a choke hold, and pinned the point of the knife to her throat and swung her around. He refused to let go...the Officers pleaded with him to let her go. This was a sad case, but a text book case of a hostage situation. The officers had ZERO choice in this matter. ZERO. Unless you want to get fired for dailing to do your job. Oquendo did not do her job in raising her child as I see it. She likely was a drug addict while pregnant and his mental problems were the result. I feel sorry. But to allow this woman to have a pulpit to preach is sick.

10. mari.whalen Dec. 1, 2011 | 6:54 p.m. Report Abuse

    @ bghs1986...you have WWWAAAYYY too much time on your hands. Dude get a life, get a job, maybe sweeping up the aftermath of an OIS!

Read All Comments