Did you know it takes 45 seconds to cook a turkey? And that's not using a microwave.
Perhaps you're surprised to learn the proper way to make mashed potatoes is to start by cutting up carrots, smushing them (smushing being the correct culinary term), then baking them.
Kindergarteners, all 5 or 6, in Alexandra Clark's classroom at Richard H. Bryan Elementary School spoke with absolute certainty and conviction, sharing their knowledge about how to cook a Thanksgiving dinner with someone who has never cooked one.
Elizabeth Tovar jumped in first to provide a definitive how-to answer. "We put pie on the table. Blueberry pie."
"We put the turkey in the oven two times," Vincent Sutton said.
Reagan Piel has nerves of steel. "You cut the turkey to kill it and put it on a plate and eat it." He insisted that's what his family did, eating it without cooking it, "and it didn't taste yucky."
Matti Perdomo said when you get too full, "you quit eating ... for a minute."
Making a pie is easy, Miss Tovar said. "Get a circle pan, get some bread, make it into a circle." Add raspberries.
Hannah Boyer went for apple pie. Pumpkin didn't seem to be the pie of preference. Apparently that's a tradition that takes more than five or six years to perpetuate.
One timesaving tip: There's really no need to waste your efforts on salads or vegetables. The majority in the class gave veggies the thumbs down, with the exception of mashed potatoes. August Tryon was one exception, declaring he liked carrots and cucumbers.
But most agreed dinner need only consist of turkey, mashed potatoes and pie. Plus stuffing, although they were a little vague on what stuffing actually is.
Kaiden Berchin said her parents "squirt something" into the turkey but wasn't certain exactly what that might be. A mystery to be solved some day, along with what goes into stuffing.
There are different ways to make mashed potatoes. David Chin knows to peel them, cook them, smash them, and later bake them for 20 minutes at 16 degrees.
Savannah Meissner said to make mashed potatoes one should "cut carrots and put them in the oven for 20 seconds."
How to procure a turkey?
"My mom and dad go out in the woods and catch a turkey," Michaela Manni said. They use some weird thing.
Cooking time for the bird ranges from 45 seconds to as long as five minutes, according to these future fans of Julia Childs. (Perhaps time moves faster when you're in kindergarten.)
The students had quick answers about what made them thankful. Sebastian Cain is thankful for his puppy. So is Michael Segal. (Strangely, nobody mentioned being thankful for a cat.)
Some are more material girls and boys. Jack Delamater is thankful for his Wii. Savannah Meissner's gratitude is for her skateboard. "My LEGOS," declared Mr. Berchin.
William Weeks is thinking ahead. He's grateful for Santa Claus. Alex Luthy takes a broad approach, being grateful for presents. Connor Nelson? "My birthday."
Ellie Nowell is either a future politician or a natural student. She's thankful for school.
Vincent Sutton is thankful for pizza. (Aren't we all?)
But showing the power of loving families at this holiday, many of the kids, including Vivian Vazquez and Julianna Pochowski, said they were thankful for parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, cousins and family in general.
Ahmias Hart is thankful for his brother. Showing that strong friendships form early, Syvon Payne piped up that he was thankful for Ahmias.
Family and friends, whether you are 5 or 95, mixed with thankfulness, will overcome burned rolls, lumpy gravy and overcooked, totally unnecessary veggies.
If the food is cold, it doesn't matter. It's really not about the dinner. Even kindergarteners know that.
Jane Ann Morrison's column appears Monday, Thursday and Saturday. E-mail her at Jane@reviewjournal.com or call 702-383-0275. She also blogs at lvrj.com/blogs/morrison.
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