THE COMPLAINT ABOUT SNICK'S PLACE, a bar that's been punished by gaming regulators and Las Vegas for some naughty goings-on last year, contains some pretty pornographic reading for a legal document, but one item in particular is sure to catch your attention.

In the referenced incident, two people were crawling across the bar, naked. They met at the end, "where the first patron performed oral sex on the second patron while talking to the bartender."

Ah, yes, that old Vegas staple: the ventriloquism act.

ALAN CHOATE

OVERHEARD ON THE SCANNER: "It looks like a typical crack house."

IT STARTED OUT WONKILY ENOUGH. Dr. Toby Cosgrove of the Cleveland Clinic and Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman were visiting the Review-Journal's offices, and Cosgrove was explaining why the clinic decided to share medical chart information with patients instead of keeping it secret.

"I said to myself, 'If I'm sick, I would want to know what those damn guys are writing in that chart about me,'" Cosgrove said. "I want to know if they're writing, 'This senile old alcoholic is in here again ...'"

At that point all eyes turned to Goodman, aka Mayor Martini, who started trying to wave Cosgrove off of that particular line of conversation.

"A little too close, doctor," he said, as the room broke up in laughter. "A little too close to home."

Cosgrove insisted he was, in fact, talking about himself.

Rest easy, Vegas. Your medical future is in good hands.

ALAN CHOATE

OVERHEARD ON THE SCANNER: Person 1: "Hey, will you stop and get me a Jamba Juice?"

Person 2: "No, but you've got time."

Person 1: "I know, but I'm lazy."

AT GREAT BASIN NATIONAL PARK, about 315 miles northeast of Las Vegas, three rattlesnakes have been affixed with transmitters so researchers can track their movements and study their habits.

Andy Ferguson, superintendent of Nevada's only national park, is a big fan of the research project.

"I particularly like the idea since one was found in my backyard," Ferguson said. "I'd like to know exactly where he's at."

HENRY BREAN

OVERHEARD ON THE SCANNER: "It's an unfunctional family. What are those called?"

OVERHEARD ON THE SCANNER: "I'm kind of digging the fat girl watering the lawn in a half shirt. Oh, wait, that's not a half shirt. She's just fat."