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VIN SUPRYNOWICZ: G.I. Joe was just a toy, wasn't he?

Hollywood now proposes that in a new live-action movie based on the G.I. Joe toy line, Joe's -- well, "G.I." -- identity needs to be replaced by membership in an "international force based in Brussels." The IGN Entertainment news site reports Paramount is considering replacing our "real American hero" with "Action Man," member of an "international operations team."

Paramount will simply turn Joe's name into an acronym.


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  • The show biz newspaper Variety reports: "G.I. Joe is now a Brussels-based outfit that stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, an international co-ed force of operatives who use hi-tech equipment to battle Cobra, an evil organization headed by a double-crossing Scottish arms dealer."

    Well, thank goodness the villain -- no need to offend anyone by making our villains Arabs, Muslims, or foreign dictators of any stripe these days, though apparently Presbyterians who talk like Scottie on "Star Trek" are still OK -- is a double-crossing arms dealer. Otherwise one might be tempted to conclude the geniuses at Paramount believe arms dealing itself is evil.

    (Just for the record, what did the quintessential American hero, Humphrey Bogart's Rick Blaine in "Casablanca," do before he opened his eponymous cafe? Yep: gun-runner.)

    According to reports in Variety and the aforementioned IGN, the producers explain international marketing would simply prove too difficult for a summer, 2009 film about a heroic U.S. soldier. Thus the need to "eliminate Joe's connection to the U.S. military."

    Well, who cares. G.I. Joe is just a toy, right? He was never real. Right?

    On Nov. 15, 2003, an 85-year-old retired Marine Corps colonel died of congestive heart failure at his home in La Quinta, Calif., southeast of Palm Springs. He was a combat veteran of World War II. His name was Mitchell Paige.

    It's hard today to envision -- or, for the dwindling few, to remember -- what the world looked like on Oct. 25, 1942 -- 65 years ago.

    The U.S. Navy was not the most powerful fighting force in the Pacific. Not by a long shot. So the Navy basically dumped a few thousand lonely American Marines on the beach at Guadalcanal and high-tailed it out of there.

    (You old swabbies can hold the letters. I've written elsewhere about the way Bull Halsey rolled the dice on the night of Nov. 13, 1942, violating the stern War College edict against committing capital ships in restricted waters and instead dispatching into the Slot his last two remaining fast battleships, the South Dakota and the Washington, escorted by the only four destroyers with enough fuel in their bunkers to get them there and back. By 11 p.m., with the fire control systems on the South Dakota malfunctioning, with the crews of those American destroyers cheering her on as they treaded water in an inky sea full of flaming wreckage, "At that moment Washington was the entire U.S. Pacific Fleet," writes naval historian David Lippman. "If this one ship did not stop 14 Japanese ships right then and there, America might lose the war. ..." At midnight precisely, facing those impossible odds, the battleship Washington opened up with her 16-inch guns. If you're reading this in English, you should be able to figure out how she did.)

    But the Washington's one-sided battle with the Kirishima was still weeks in the future. On Oct. 25, Mitchell Paige was back on the God-forsaken malarial jungle island of Guadalcanal.

    On Guadalcanal, the Marines struggled to complete an airfield that could threaten the Japanese route to Australia. Admiral Yamamoto knew how dangerous that was. Before long, relentless Japanese counterattacks had driven the supporting U.S. Navy from inshore waters. The Marines were on their own.

    As Platoon Sgt. Mitchell Paige and his 33 riflemen set about carefully emplacing their four water-cooled .30-caliber Brownings on that hillside, 65 years ago this week -- manning their section of the thin khaki line that was expected to defend Henderson Field against the assault of the night of Oct. 25, 1942 -- it's unlikely anyone thought they were about to provide the definitive answer to that most desperate of questions: How many able-bodied U.S. Marines does it take to hold a hill against 2,000 armed and motivated attackers?

    But by the time the night was over, "The 29th (Japanese) Infantry Regiment has lost 553 killed or missing and 479 wounded among its 2,554 men," historian Lippman reports. "The 16th (Japanese) Regiment's losses are uncounted, but the 164th's burial parties handled 975 Japanese bodies. ... The American estimate of 2,200 Japanese dead is probably too low."

    You've already figured out where the Japanese focused their attack, haven't you? Among the 90 American dead and seriously wounded that night were all the men in Mitchell Paige's platoon. Every one. As the night of endless attacks wore on, Paige moved up and down his line, pulling his dead and wounded comrades back into their foxholes and firing a few bursts from each of the four Brownings in turn, convincing the Japanese forces down the hill that the positions were still manned.

    The citation for Paige's Medal of Honor picks up the tale: "When the enemy broke through the line directly in front of his position, P/Sgt. Paige, commanding a machine gun section with fearless determination, continued to direct the fire of his gunners until all his men were either killed or wounded. Alone, against the deadly hail of Japanese shells, he fought with his gun and when it was destroyed, took over another, moving from gun to gun, never ceasing his withering fire."

    In the end, Sgt. Paige picked up the last of the 40-pound, belt-fed Brownings and did something for which the weapon was never designed. Sgt. Paige walked down the hill toward the place where he could hear the last Japanese survivors rallying to move around his flank, the belt-fed gun cradled under his arm, firing as he went.

    Coming up at dawn, battalion executive officer Major Odell M. Conoley was the first to discover how many able-bodied United States Marines it takes to hold a hill against two regiments of motivated, combat-hardened infantrymen who have never known defeat.

    On a hill where the bodies were piled like cordwood, Mitchell Paige alone sat upright behind his 30-caliber Browning, waiting to see what the dawn would bring.

    The hill had held, because on the hill remained the minimum number of able-bodied United States Marines necessary to hold the position.

    And that's where the unstoppable wave of Japanese conquest finally crested, broke, and began to recede. On an unnamed jungle ridge on an insignificant island no one ever heard of, called Guadalcanal.

    When the Hasbro Toy Co. called some years back, asking permission to put the retired colonel's face on some kid's doll, Mitchell Paige thought they must be joking.

    But they weren't. That's his mug, on the little Marine they call "G.I. Joe." At least, it has been up till now.

    Mitchell Paige's only condition? That G.I. Joe must always remain a United States Marine.

    But don't worry. Far more important for our new movies not to offend anyone in Cairo or Karachi or Paris or Palembang.

    After all, it's only a toy. It doesn't mean anything.

    Vin Suprynowicz is assistant editorial page editor of the Review-Journal and author of the books "Send in the Waco Killers" and "The Black Arrow." www.abebooks.com/servlet/SearchResults?kn=arrow&vci=51238921

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    Jim Killman wrote on May 17, 2009 09:16 AM: I am glad that Paramount et al are carefully NOT offending anyone who may well be trying to kill Americans, but I can assure you that I am offended.

    And, as a former Marine (there's no such thing as an ex-Marine), I will try to make sure that many others are offended as well.


    The_Duke wrote on January 15, 2009 09:34 AM: see this, it'll blow your mind away!




    janis wrote on November 08, 2008 02:30 AM: i have audi rs6 but not many


    janis wrote on November 08, 2008 02:30 AM: i love audi


    Julia Epps wrote on June 15, 2008 11:50 PM: GI Joe is commenting here. Rick Stokvis is a real GI Joe.
    I miss him very much.


    John wrote on March 02, 2008 04:58 AM: Your article was spectacular, I have heard on the news, and online how upset everyone was about the focus of the movie, and how they were outraged at the fact that the movie wasn't true to the American military. I really thought the whole thing of people getting upset was senseless (I am young and am a fan of the 1980's G I Joe line that was based off of characters of different ethnicities fighting evil)because I couldn't see a difference in the plot of the movie to the comic books/television show, I didn't understand why everyone was upset. By reading your article, I have seen the light, I am now looking at G I Joe as true American Heroes, instead of fancy clothing and utility belts. Thank you for the magnificent read, and for the informational values thoughout your article.


    Chuck wrote on January 29, 2008 12:15 PM: Hey Professor,

    Nice disclaimer, but the glory-merchant Marines on Guadal lost nearly 1/4 the men the 'swabbies' did trying to hold the island. And to make the ludicrous claim that Guadal was the turning point of the Pacific really undermines the men that died in a much more audacious and uncertain battle at an island simply called 'Midway'. But they were all 'swabbies', so I guess it is OK to denigrate their sacrifice...


    infojunkie wrote on January 28, 2008 11:48 AM: Looks like the movie will no longer be based in Brussels.

    http://www.comingsoon.net/films.php?id=36593

    They say it's based on the '80s series, so maybe there's hope...


    Jael wrote on January 17, 2008 01:05 PM: In today’s paper I noticed that the RJ editors are endorsing Mitt Romney for President. Why? I presume because he is in bed with the Chinese and globalism. The upper crust in this country are concerned with lining THEIR pockets with $$$, destroying much of our manufacturing base and dismantling the sovereignty of America. I also would never trust a Christian globalist.

    We are told that America is going to become a service-oriented society. What the heck does that mean? We are going to be slaves on a government plantation? Hillary has said many times that they are going to take things away from Americans that are not good for them. Like what? She is another BIG TIME globalist. By the way, what did Sandy Berger steal from the Archives? Was it something that would embarrass the Clintons or sink Hillary’s presidential bid?

    The latest news is that our globalist President wants to give several billion dollars worth of weapons to Saudi Arabia. What the hell for? If America and Israel start being nice to Iran, we won’t have to worry about a war with them or anyone else. Those billions of dollars should go to the Chinese to pay off our trillion dollar debt.

    THE GLOBALISTS, WHO SEEM TO BE THE MAJORITY IN GOVERNMENT, WILL NEVER CLOSE DOWN THAT SOUTHERN BORDER WITH MEXICO. Why, you ask? That would never be in the interest of our globalist politicians, etc. They will promise, promise, promise in order to get our votes, BUT THAT BORDER WILL NOT BE CLOSED and manufacturing jobs will continue to disappear.

    This time around, there is no way I will vote for a globalist.


    Allura wrote on December 09, 2007 10:26 AM: Paramount can make any movie they like. Doesn't mean I'm going to fork over any money to see it. Do you think Hollywood will ever figure out why they're not making money in the American market anymore?

    If Hasbro doesn't pull the plug, I'll be quite disappointed in them.


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